Silly Sentinel

Here are some trivial amusements for your entertainment.

Sentinel Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Kindergarten Teacher: To get to the other side.

Blair Sandburg: Don't you see, man, it was expressing its cultural identity! Going through a road-crossing rite of passage, just like tribal warriors had to go off into the jungle alone, and make their first kill, as a demonstration and confirmation of their manhood.

Jim Ellison: We won't know why it crossed the road until we bring it in for questioning. Don't worry, it hasn't gone far, I can hear it. It went north, through the woods.

  • (Kathryn A)

How many Sentinels does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Sentinels don't need light bulbs to see at night.

  • (Kathryn A)

The following was adapted by the Fair Felicia.

The only thing the police had to go on was a book. It was the one and only clue to the death of the young woman who lived alone in the apartment above the alley. Not the nicest neighborhood in Cascade, but that alone wasn't reason enough to be killed.

She'd been found by a friend earlier that evening. There was some evidence of a struggle but the body was unmarked except for a bruise on the left side of her head.

Whoever did it used the book to deliver the fatal blow. The corner of the book was clearly dented and some of the victim's hair was embedded in the cover.

The police observer commented that it was probably a lover's quarrel, but the detective wasn't convinced. "A book was used as the murder weapon, right?" He levelled his gaze at his friend.

The young man nodded.

"You said you've seen her around campus. She have a boyfriend?"

The grad student shook his head. "I never saw her with anyone in particular, and her friend says she wasn't seeing anybody on a regular basis."

The detective nodded and thought for a moment. "You check the name of the book, Chief?"

"Sure. Serena just took it to send to the lab. 'Mathematics 101 - An Introductory Text.' Why?"

Jim set his jaw as his suspicions were confirmed. "I was afraid of that."

"What, Jim? What are you afraid of?"

"A text book case," Ellison answered, "we've got a math murderer on our hands."

Timewarped Sentinel

(by Kathryn A)

In mid-October 2000, on the Cascade Times mailing list, there was declared a week of Shakespeare, that those who wished to participate should write thence in the style of the Bard of Avon. I joined in and altered my (semi-random) .sig quotes to fit with the theme. So here they be -- quotes from The Sentinel in the style of the Bard.

"What type of package requireth this much secrecy? Forsooth, James! Who shalt I tell? [sayeth last too loudly and all looketh at him] How art thou? It is good to see thee. [to James, more quietly] My apologies."

  -- Blair Sandburg to James Ellison (timewarped Sentinel: Night Train)

Blair: James, this... this be as the sun breaking through the clouds.

James: Verily, my heart is light, my mind at ease. Why dost not thou take thyself abed? I shalt cast my eye about and keep watch.

   (timewarped Sentinel: Out of the Past)

Anthony: Frederick hath been a thespian in the pictures of motion -- mostly those of low cost and low worth.

James: That be why his countenance hath familiarity, forsooth!

  (timewarped Sentinel: Vow of Silence)

James: Mayhap, grant me a boon.

Akiko: What be that?

James: When thou dinest with Kenji?

Akiko: Pray continue...

James: Stay thou away from the puffer fish.

  (timewarped Sentinel: Payback)

James: I understand thee not.

Spirit guide: Thy return to the jungle wast not wrought by chance. This be the place of thy rebirth as a sentinel. Thou hast been brought back to complete the circle.

  (timewarped Sentinel: Flight)

James: What doeth we here, Brackett?

Brackett: Withal, for so long as thou remainest in darkness, my steps shalt be ahead of thine.

  (timewarped Sentinel: Rogue)

Blair: This be good -- but how be thine arm?

James: Methinks I hath mastery of the pain, at last, good Blair.

Blair: Verily, another chapter for my disseration shalt be writ.

  (timewarped Sentinel: Out of the Past)

"[Sandburg sweareth an oath] I understand this not, good sir. Prithee, let me think. There must exist something which explaineth this... mayhap it be the leap with the canopy of silk, the diverse sudden change in the pressure of the air. Or mayhap it be the shock upon thyself, that thou has return'ed unto the jungle."

  -- Blair Sandburg (timewarped Sentinel: Flight)

James: Thou askest me to give speech to these students of thine?

Blair: Verily.

James: I wouldst rather have mine own teeth pulled out.

  (timewarped Sentinel: Rogue)

Anthony: Christopher, I doth believe, wert a seller of life-insurance.

James: Verily, I doth see, that explaineth why he talketh like unto a bubbling spring.

  (timewarped Sentinel: Vow of Silence)