Brave

by AstroGirl

I've been thinking about it since we got here, since I realized that if Rose's dad is still alive in this universe, my gran might be, too. I kind of thought, if it came down to it, it would be a really hard decision. But you know what? It's not. It's easy.

See, I know I've lost Rose. Known for a long time, really. I just didn't want to admit it. But it's hard not to, now. I can see the way she looks at him. Hell, it's hard to even blame her. I mean, he's a magic spaceman. How can you compete with that? I'm not a time-travelling alien, I'm just me. And I don't want to be the Doctor. Sometimes it drives me crazy just being around the Doctor. I'm happy enough being Mickey Smith, but I'll tell you what I'm tired of being. I'm tired of being Mickey the Idiot. Tired of being useless little Mickey who can't even fix a carpet properly. Tired of being the guy who's afraid of aliens and monsters, the guy who waits at home for a girl he knows isn't ever gonna come back. I want to do something that means something. I want to be brave.

I know I've got it in me, 'cause Ricky did. He was strong and brave and tough, and he died doing something that needed doing. And he was basically me, right? Mickey, Ricky, what's the difference? Couple of letters. A couple of letters ain't nothing. And I've already saved the world, haven't I? Three times, if I'm counting right. How many useless idiots can say that?

Yeah, I could stay with them in the TARDIS. Maybe save some other planets. But that'd just be me doing the same things I always did, sort of. Following Rose around, waiting for her to give me a pat on the head, being the tin dog. Forget that. I want to live my own life. Even if it's Ricky's life. Close enough. Besides, I don't want to have to watch them all the time, being all... happy. I'm glad Rose is happy, don't get me wrong. But tagging along watching her be happy with someone else is a bit much to ask.

I do still love her. Probably always will. And we had some good times, some laughs. I'm more glad about that, than I am sad about losing her. I'm not just saying that, I really am. And if it weren't for her -- well, OK, her and the Doctor, but don't think I'm gonna say "thanks" to him -- I'd still be useless little Mickey, spending my life watching football, hanging around the pub, playing on the computer, trying not to think about whether there's supposed to be anything more to life.

Can't think why I ever wanted to live like that, really. Well, except for the part where there are no evil robot-things shooting at you, but sometimes even that's kind of fun. Makes you feel glad to be alive, sort of.

Like, I said, it's an easy decision. The only thing that scares me now is having to go and say goodbye. 'Cause I kind of think I might cry. And if she asks me not to go, it's gonna take all this new bravery I've got not to say, "Okay, never mind. I won't."

Right. Deep breath. Here we go. But, hey, if I can get through this I'm pretty sure I can do anything. Yeah. Anything at all.

Lyrics

"Brave"

by Nichole Nordeman

      The gate is wide
      The road is paved in moderation
      The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
      Welcome to the middle ground
      It's safe and sound, and
      Until now it's where I've been
      'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
      But it's been love
      Your love
      That cuts the strings
      So long status quo
      I think I'll just let go
      You make me want to be brave
      The way it always was
      Is no longer good enough
      You make me want to be brave
      Brave
      Brave
      I am small
      And I speak when I'm spoken to
      But I am willing to risk it all
      I say your name, just your name
      And I'm ready to go
      Even ready to fall
      Why did I (why did I)
      Take this vow of compromise?
      Why did I (why did I)
      Try to keep it all inside?
      So long status quo
      I think I'll just let go
      You make me want to be brave
      The way it always was
      Is no longer good enough
      You make me want to be brave
      Brave
      Brave
      I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
      And every storm will start with just a drop of rain
      But if you believe in me
      That changes everything
      So long...
      I'm gone...
      So long status quo
      I think I'll just let go
      You make me want to be brave
      I want to be brave
      The way it always was
      Is no longer good enough
      You make me want to be brave
      Brave
      Brave
      Brave